i forgot all about this blog and im almost glad it has little to no followers because i honestly need the space to do/say what i need to without judgment or opinion. ill just get this started before i lose the nerve or motivation...
i fell in love.
to some this sounds perfect and like a thing that should be honored or adored...but it really was not. don't get me wrong, it felt amazing to know that i had a connection with someone the way that we did. it felt great knowing i could tell someone anything and that i made a bond that could never be broken no matter how much is was tested.
problems always came though. no relationship can ever go without being tested. almost hate that fact but how can you know how strong something is unless it is tested...right? well alot of those test we failed, he more than i. i tried my absolute hardest to be that good woman and provide my whole heart but sometimes people do not know how to handle that. hell yes i made mistakes, was disrespectful and dished out some bullshit...i didn't deserve anything that i got though.
have you ever put yourself out there and cared so much and the person you cared about just did not understand? they didn't see that you were expressing the love you had for them by constantly asking 'are you ok?' they got offended that you repeatedly wanted to make sure they were good and nothing was wrong...but than when another asked, they were grateful. all the efforts you put into trying to maintain their mental and emotional stability...and the credit was given to someone else.
everything i did...the credit was given to someone else. everything. i spent days walking around with nothing in my pockets t make sure he ate and had a way to work. my family situation was a bit different so i knew id be taken care of regardless...and that began getting taken advantage of.
need to continue this tomorrow...sleep is a must!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Monday, March 9, 2009
been a while...
please refrain from asking me why because i never know how to answer this question...but lately, i've been on cloud 49875348658635!! and that shit feels good. God is blessing and blessing me with so many good things in my life & that is all i could ask for besides good health.
i've obtained more & more haters too which is making me more than happy with myself because summer is almost here! "pllleeeease dont leave me...i neeeeed you hater!!!!" lmao...
yeah, i've been feeling myself lately. its all in anticipation of me switching my style up (hair, make up, clothes, accessories, EVERYTHING) i'm growing tired of the same ol same ol shit & the only way it's changing is with me! i just want to do so many new things & try things i havent before.
gonna try to put some pics up here of what i want my next hair style to be so that i can get opinions on which one to choose. let my blog family help me out a little lol
matta fact, imma go look for styles right now
p.s. my baby has me walking on sunshine! idk what has gotten into him (maybe me a little more in his heart) but he is treating me like pure royalty and i love it bc he is my King!
i've obtained more & more haters too which is making me more than happy with myself because summer is almost here! "pllleeeease dont leave me...i neeeeed you hater!!!!" lmao...
yeah, i've been feeling myself lately. its all in anticipation of me switching my style up (hair, make up, clothes, accessories, EVERYTHING) i'm growing tired of the same ol same ol shit & the only way it's changing is with me! i just want to do so many new things & try things i havent before.
gonna try to put some pics up here of what i want my next hair style to be so that i can get opinions on which one to choose. let my blog family help me out a little lol
matta fact, imma go look for styles right now
p.s. my baby has me walking on sunshine! idk what has gotten into him (maybe me a little more in his heart) but he is treating me like pure royalty and i love it bc he is my King!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Chris Brown done lost his Doublemint ass mind!!
i cannot fucking believe that Chris Brown had the nerve to hit someone with his Doublemint ass!
i was sitting there really wondering why they didnt show up at the Grammy's and when i found out...WTF?! Rihanna should have bought some disturbia to his ass. She's a woman at the end of the day though...so when they said she had been calling him all night after it happened...THATS what made me believe it over EVERYTHING!!
Then they tried to say that her ass got into a car accident and Chris beat on some other woman. I mean either way...id feel some type of way cuz who the fuck else you hitting on??
SHAME ON IT ALL....did anyone else hear about this? Is anyone else concerned or have an opinion????????? i for damn sure do but tell me if im bugging for being mad that this daning ass nigga had the nerve to catch a case of the spirit fingers!!!
i was sitting there really wondering why they didnt show up at the Grammy's and when i found out...WTF?! Rihanna should have bought some disturbia to his ass. She's a woman at the end of the day though...so when they said she had been calling him all night after it happened...THATS what made me believe it over EVERYTHING!!
Then they tried to say that her ass got into a car accident and Chris beat on some other woman. I mean either way...id feel some type of way cuz who the fuck else you hitting on??
SHAME ON IT ALL....did anyone else hear about this? Is anyone else concerned or have an opinion????????? i for damn sure do but tell me if im bugging for being mad that this daning ass nigga had the nerve to catch a case of the spirit fingers!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
bored...
i'm on campus right now bored as ever bc i only have one class a day. sometimes i feel like i travel out here for nothing. the class goes by sooo quick (either 2 to 3 hours) and then im headed back the damn way i came. OH WELL...SHIT IS GETTIN DONE!
yesterday, last night and this morning i had sooo much fun chillin with my baby cakez Nacho Butt, Black, Mark and whoever else came and went while i was chillin out there. Nothing went wrong, everything was funny as hell or sweet as hell. I could care less that anyone thinks i'm a sucker for love cuz shit, maybe i am. just HIS though mmm mmmm mmmmm.
ever felt like u found the PEEEEERFECCCT person for you and the perfect person to have in ur life!? i'm pretty much asking a retorical question since no one reads this blog but whatever...i am asking anyway. i feel like i have found that person. everyone, even him and myself, has doubted it at one point but not every love starts off perfectly. shit some loves takes years and years to develop even after the couple haas tried and feel like they failed.
well...damn all that. i believe we've gotten past our point of stupid shit and letting ppl interfere with shit so i feel like everything will be good. if im wrong...then im wrong...what more can i say or do??
besides that...not much going on over here. i love all my classes and i think this is a striaghtA semester!! dont be a hater...just congradulate me when it happens suckas! lmao
anywayz...im tired as hell and my tummy hurts so i'm going to go home and lay my ass down after i eat some spaghettissss!!!! yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
yesterday, last night and this morning i had sooo much fun chillin with my baby cakez Nacho Butt, Black, Mark and whoever else came and went while i was chillin out there. Nothing went wrong, everything was funny as hell or sweet as hell. I could care less that anyone thinks i'm a sucker for love cuz shit, maybe i am. just HIS though mmm mmmm mmmmm.
ever felt like u found the PEEEEERFECCCT person for you and the perfect person to have in ur life!? i'm pretty much asking a retorical question since no one reads this blog but whatever...i am asking anyway. i feel like i have found that person. everyone, even him and myself, has doubted it at one point but not every love starts off perfectly. shit some loves takes years and years to develop even after the couple haas tried and feel like they failed.
well...damn all that. i believe we've gotten past our point of stupid shit and letting ppl interfere with shit so i feel like everything will be good. if im wrong...then im wrong...what more can i say or do??
besides that...not much going on over here. i love all my classes and i think this is a striaghtA semester!! dont be a hater...just congradulate me when it happens suckas! lmao
anywayz...im tired as hell and my tummy hurts so i'm going to go home and lay my ass down after i eat some spaghettissss!!!! yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
Friday, January 23, 2009
ITS MY BIRTHDAAAAAYYY!!!
i did it! i made it to see 24 years and i could NOT be more thankful or happy. i am blessed beyond belief! i had the time of my life last night with two of my best gurls ever!!! Tonight will be even more fun because ALL my people will be there with me! omg, i am so excited God has blessed me with these ppl and this life! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!
I'll be back tomorrow with more pics and more description of my days
Friday, January 16, 2009
stream of consciousness
this blog is pretty much just going to be a stream of consciousness for me. you'll get to know all the things, questions, thoughts, ideas that go on in my head while i sit here and write. i learned this technique in high school to just write and write and write whatever is on your mind while you are writing, or typing for me of course lol.
if there is a pause in your writing for WHATEVER reason, you have to put a space in between your lines, or make it a brand new paragraph. that space was because i just had to go to my other tab and pause my myspace playlist so i could concentrate on this. my playlist is great, dont get me wrong, but music means so much to me that it distracts me from doing what i need to be doing sometimes. you ever wonder how many words per minute you can type? i do all the time because i am zooming along on this screen and showing these keys NO mercy so i must have a decent number in the 80's at least...i think so *insert hating comment here* lmao
i've been feeling very poetic lately. everytime i'm with my man a new line for a poem pops into my head like..."being with you makes pain seem like it doesn't exist" or something along those lines. that one wasnt too too good but it was nice hehehe...im talented i know! but for real tho, the day i told my baby that he is the reason that i believe that God writes poetry...i was being SO very honest and upfront with him. im sure he feels like its only G sometimes but if he could be inside my heart...for only a moment...he'd see how much space belongs to him inside of it. honest to God...he puts a smile on my face at times that i think my world is about to end. and puts tears on my face while my legs are in the air and makes me cry thanking God for loving me soooo much that He made me a soulmate (not everynody gets one you know?!) fucked up right?
...my hand was hurting. my goodness, i had to take a small break. but yeah, imagine going your whole life without finding your soulmate. the one person that was molded, created anf birthed JUST for you. so that you could meet and create a perfect image in Gods eyes (which would be me refering to any offspring that your mate and urself had)......told you i was feeling poetic lmao. i dont even know where half the lines come from half the time but i LOVE when they do come. i want to publish a poetry book one day. i just found out my close friend from HU (the real one...Hampton University, not the knockoff Howard *barf*) but yeah, my close friend from there Nicole Little put out a poetry book called Heartfelt (at least i think thats what it is...im pretty sure)
my mind is so complex that sometimes, i seem simple. im sure that made sense to no one but me but it makes PERFECT sense to me man. i think so much into things and analyze some situations until my damn brain starts to bleed. i believe its a poisitive trait in me though...one that makes me stronger and will get me through and out of some tough situati
....im so fucking nosey. i stopped that stream JUST to see who had signed off my buddy list on AIM...smfh @ that. ah well...but like i was saying, it'll get me through some tough situations and hard times. sometimes its ok to overthink a situation bc you find out later that you were right the whole time. you know what sux more tho? when you ignore a situation or think nothing of it...and it turns out it was something you should have been paying super close attention to. hate those times but everything is a learning experience. i want a new tattoo....i know what i REALLY want to get (not to be disclosed to the public) but before i get that specific tatt, i think i want to get one on my wrist. something that looks very classy and probably words so that i dont have anything big and bold jumping from my wrist when im shaking hands for interviews. tattoos dont hurt me, they kind of tickle actually, so i should be good. i remember getting my God's Gift tatt, which alot of females have copied and made so mainstream (ugh) but whatever *singing* there can only be onnnne ME...can nobody cant nobody...do ur body like me *glint* awww, thats something me and my baby do that we got from Last Comic Standing (GREAT SHOW...shameless plus YES!) these two guys were coming offstage from their performance and one of them said something with a smile after...and while they flashed the little sparkly thing that shines over ppls mouths in like...toothpaste commercials...the other dude said *glint* as if that was the sound that the little sparkle makes...perhaps one of those you had to be there moments huh?? ah well, cant win them all
i'm pretty much out of stuff to write bc my simply complex mind has run into overdrive and thoughts are starting to pile in top of one another
being nosey AGAIN...alll in my buddy list's kool aid...dont even know the flavor. man, we used to say some corny shit back in the day. but with the right neck pop and eye roll...it made it sound like the most hurtful thing you could ever say. lmfao well im off to bed now hoping that God has some more lines of poetry that i can borrow and share with the world. i'm such a great ass person...hey, the rules of this are to write down EVERYTHING that passes through your head and well...that shit passes through alll the time. bitch im the bomb like tick...tick hehehehe ok beddie bye bye time. see all you guys tomorrow after i handle my business in the city. nitey nite blog family *cracks knuckles*
if there is a pause in your writing for WHATEVER reason, you have to put a space in between your lines, or make it a brand new paragraph. that space was because i just had to go to my other tab and pause my myspace playlist so i could concentrate on this. my playlist is great, dont get me wrong, but music means so much to me that it distracts me from doing what i need to be doing sometimes. you ever wonder how many words per minute you can type? i do all the time because i am zooming along on this screen and showing these keys NO mercy so i must have a decent number in the 80's at least...i think so *insert hating comment here* lmao
i've been feeling very poetic lately. everytime i'm with my man a new line for a poem pops into my head like..."being with you makes pain seem like it doesn't exist" or something along those lines. that one wasnt too too good but it was nice hehehe...im talented i know! but for real tho, the day i told my baby that he is the reason that i believe that God writes poetry...i was being SO very honest and upfront with him. im sure he feels like its only G sometimes but if he could be inside my heart...for only a moment...he'd see how much space belongs to him inside of it. honest to God...he puts a smile on my face at times that i think my world is about to end. and puts tears on my face while my legs are in the air and makes me cry thanking God for loving me soooo much that He made me a soulmate (not everynody gets one you know?!) fucked up right?
...my hand was hurting. my goodness, i had to take a small break. but yeah, imagine going your whole life without finding your soulmate. the one person that was molded, created anf birthed JUST for you. so that you could meet and create a perfect image in Gods eyes (which would be me refering to any offspring that your mate and urself had)......told you i was feeling poetic lmao. i dont even know where half the lines come from half the time but i LOVE when they do come. i want to publish a poetry book one day. i just found out my close friend from HU (the real one...Hampton University, not the knockoff Howard *barf*) but yeah, my close friend from there Nicole Little put out a poetry book called Heartfelt (at least i think thats what it is...im pretty sure)
my mind is so complex that sometimes, i seem simple. im sure that made sense to no one but me but it makes PERFECT sense to me man. i think so much into things and analyze some situations until my damn brain starts to bleed. i believe its a poisitive trait in me though...one that makes me stronger and will get me through and out of some tough situati
....im so fucking nosey. i stopped that stream JUST to see who had signed off my buddy list on AIM...smfh @ that. ah well...but like i was saying, it'll get me through some tough situations and hard times. sometimes its ok to overthink a situation bc you find out later that you were right the whole time. you know what sux more tho? when you ignore a situation or think nothing of it...and it turns out it was something you should have been paying super close attention to. hate those times but everything is a learning experience. i want a new tattoo....i know what i REALLY want to get (not to be disclosed to the public) but before i get that specific tatt, i think i want to get one on my wrist. something that looks very classy and probably words so that i dont have anything big and bold jumping from my wrist when im shaking hands for interviews. tattoos dont hurt me, they kind of tickle actually, so i should be good. i remember getting my God's Gift tatt, which alot of females have copied and made so mainstream (ugh) but whatever *singing* there can only be onnnne ME...can nobody cant nobody...do ur body like me *glint* awww, thats something me and my baby do that we got from Last Comic Standing (GREAT SHOW...shameless plus YES!) these two guys were coming offstage from their performance and one of them said something with a smile after...and while they flashed the little sparkly thing that shines over ppls mouths in like...toothpaste commercials...the other dude said *glint* as if that was the sound that the little sparkle makes...perhaps one of those you had to be there moments huh?? ah well, cant win them all
i'm pretty much out of stuff to write bc my simply complex mind has run into overdrive and thoughts are starting to pile in top of one another
being nosey AGAIN...alll in my buddy list's kool aid...dont even know the flavor. man, we used to say some corny shit back in the day. but with the right neck pop and eye roll...it made it sound like the most hurtful thing you could ever say. lmfao well im off to bed now hoping that God has some more lines of poetry that i can borrow and share with the world. i'm such a great ass person...hey, the rules of this are to write down EVERYTHING that passes through your head and well...that shit passes through alll the time. bitch im the bomb like tick...tick hehehehe ok beddie bye bye time. see all you guys tomorrow after i handle my business in the city. nitey nite blog family *cracks knuckles*
Saturday, January 10, 2009
sigh...hi blog family, i feel like shit. i am sick as a damn dog and i hate it. the worst feeling to me in the world is to be sick. within being sick that means im cold, shivery, emotional, throwing up, got a damn fever, all types of ridiculous shit that i DONT want to be feeling AT ALL!!!
i wish my hunni was here to take this pain away but i dont know what happened. i just want to crawl up in a ball and shut my eyes real tight and pretend for two seconds that i just dont feel this way.
ahhhhhhhhhh...i want a teddy bear and my baby.
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