writer's block...but a different kind.

i forgot all about this blog and im almost glad it has little to no followers because i honestly need the space to do/say what i need to without judgment or opinion. ill just get this started before i lose the nerve or motivation...

i fell in love.

to some this sounds perfect and like a thing that should be honored or adored...but it really was not. don't get me wrong, it felt amazing to know that i had a connection with someone the way that we did. it felt great knowing i could tell someone anything and that i made a bond that could never be broken no matter how much is was tested.

problems always came though. no relationship can ever go without being tested. almost hate that fact but how can you know how strong something is unless it is tested...right? well alot of those test we failed, he more than i. i tried my absolute hardest to be that good woman and provide my whole heart but sometimes people do not know how to handle that. hell yes i made mistakes, was disrespectful and dished out some bullshit...i didn't deserve anything that i got though.

have you ever put yourself out there and cared so much and the person you cared about just did not understand? they didn't see that you were expressing the love you had for them by constantly asking 'are you ok?'  they got offended that you repeatedly wanted to make sure they were good and nothing was wrong...but than when another asked, they were grateful. all the efforts you put into trying to maintain their mental and emotional stability...and the credit was given to someone else.

everything i did...the credit was given to someone else. everything. i spent days walking around with nothing in my pockets t make sure he ate and had a way to work. my family situation was a bit different so i knew id be taken care of regardless...and that began getting taken advantage of.

need to continue this tomorrow...sleep is a must!!